There was a button, and I pressed it.

Never had to race the clock (and my metabolism) to get my thoughts out before I'm too stoned to.  

Years ago, before The Great Pause, we visited Ireland.  Before the trip, I glanced at Reddit posts on how to be a "good" tourist.  I learned that in the UK and Ireland, a "backhanded" peace sign = "Fuck you!".  Dunno how many times I practiced giving two fingers palm-out after that.   Not enough, apparently.

Our 3rd day, we ventured into notoriously peaceful Derry.  After walking the peace bridge, we stopped at a Centra to gas up, and to grab a breakfast roll, aka the absolute best holy-fuck-how-has-no-one-in-the-USA-stolen-this-yet breakfast abomination of my life.

Walked up to the counter and proceeded to flip off this poor woman taking our order.  ***Twice***.  Having an American accent must've been the only reason I wasn't torn a new poophole.

That's it.  True story.  

Also, I lost the race.